queen of nothing, king of the world.

Performance Artist/ Feminist/ Stranded in the 60s

“So please ask yourself: What would I do if I weren’t afraid? And then go do it.”

Sheryl Sandberg (Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead)

The most beautiful thing I have ever written. 02/03/14

I’m not your type, how can I be when I’m not dependent on you. It’s difficult you see I find ourselves trapped in a binding to contract to one another. Contract isn’t the most romantic of metaphors, but we’re not a romantic metaphor realistically. So how could I use one lexically to prove this point? What I know is, is that I have 4 poems about you and this is my 5th. You’ve heard them; you hear them all the time. I am not strong, I am weak, I’m weak because I don’t have the strength to tell you straight out. I hide behind rhyme, rhythm, structure, metaphors and similes to get the point across. I hate this roller-coaster were on, we definitely friends, we definitely are and that’s it yet why do I, why do we feel this binding contract. I don’t feel it with any of my other friends. I feel like a cross between mother and lover, I don’t want to Freudian about this. It’s weird because it’s like I feel your feelings and when you hurt so do I, I don’t want you to hurt, I don’t want you to go back to her. And I’m not even saying come to me or be with me, I’m just saying don’t hurt anymore. The contract frays when you do. Because we cant be honest with each other, when we’re mad at each other, we’re mad not because we’ve offended each other, it’s because we’re sad with each other, and we are angry at that because we definitely are just friends. I’ve got you sussed so stop pretending to be the expert, because I’m your expert. I can read you; I can read your tiredness as well as your happiness. And I like them both. We will be together one day, maybe not even in this life time. But we work me and you, were a thing me and you, and we may not be romantic, or loving but were something me and you, and I can feel it between us two. I show things to you in the hope you’ll look at my words alone. All my words are about you. This doesn’t rhyme because I’m trying not to hide behind lexical devices. It’s funny because my show was about being honest, but I lied all the way through because I didn’t have the one strength to tell you ‘I love you’ I don’t know if I’m in love with you, but I love you. It’s not a crime because you’ve said it too.

But I love you. That’s it, no cryptic message no poetry no pretty picture just straight out.

I love you.

When everything goes wrong, grab the notepad.